What it’s Like in Minneapolis-Saint Paul Right Now

Electric candles are great for below zero candelight vigils.

I’m sitting here on a Monday night trying to put into words everything that has been happening over the past few weeks - months, really. I have tried to start this a dozen times and it just hasn’t worked, and I don’t really know why. I’m usually one who sits down at a keyboard and words just flow, but for the month of January my words are disjointed, confused, jumping from idea to idea within a paragraph that makes no sense.

Maybe it’s because I’m scared. I don’t know if there’s a better word for it than scared. Is there a word that properly describes the way I’m always looking in the windows of SUVs, checking if they’re feds? Is there a word that describes the urge to take my hat off in negative windchills to prove I have light hair? A word that describes the chilling line of abandoned cars along I-35, the route I take to and from work, cars with ribbons tied to door handles and writing on the back windows, conveniently located in spots where ICE presence was reported? Is there a word for the internal debate to carry my knife, knowing that if I get shot today, they might blame that very item I always carry in the front left pocket of my jeans? Is there a word that describes the little jump-twitch I do every time my phone buzzes with a doorbell alert, or the startle every time I hear a whistle? I don’t know either if there is a word for the sinking feeling I got in my stomach when ICE performed an operation while school was being let out at the Catholic church near my house (the place where I vote). I don’t know what word describes the feeling I got when Alex Pretti was shot dead just just two neighborhoods away from where I was on a Saturday morning, debating playground options for later in the day. I simply don’t know. 

Because this juxtaposition of fear and just doing the things we need to do doesn’t have a word. I am folding laundry, changing the sheets, scared of the 3,000 federal agents with barely any training policing the streets outside. I’m scooping the litterbox while helping organize getting cereal for people afraid to leave their homes because of the color of their skin. I’m sitting in the office sorting a spreadsheet and my coworker is me about his story of being stopped by ICE just a few blocks from where I live. (He has darker skin than I do, and was lucky to have thought to carry a copy of his US passport in his pocket. He was let go. Yes, they are stopping people who look dark and are asking for their papers. Yes, carrying your “papers” has become the new normal.) There is something so terrifying about the banality of the day to day while I am living in a city that is under siege. 

So maybe it’s all that. I don’t know how to describe it to people who aren’t here, because it’s such an unusual and overwhelming feeling. I’m constantly exhausted and I’m constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough to help my community. It feels like I’m being dramatic, like I’m a tin-foil hat extremist to describe it this way. Every time I try to write it out, it sounds unreal. I love dystopian novels. I feel like I’m writing one of those novels, but this is my LIFE. 

I don’t want this. Nobody in Minnesota wanted this. I think this should be made clear. Yes, we are organized. That is because the alternative is hiding in our houses while an outside entity wreaks havoc on our neighbors, and we are not assholes. We care about our neighbors and our city. 

We are intelligent people, too, and we see that our constitutional rights are being violated. We are getting pepper sprayed and detained without due process for shouting - that’s blatant disregard for the first amendment, freedom of speech. They shot Alex Pretti in the back while he had his hands in front of him on the ground. He was legally carrying a firearm. They are blaming his death on this, but his weapon was clearly holstered and his hands were on the ground. That is a blatant disregard of the second amendment. (Seriously - am I not allowed to exercise my first amendment rights at the same time as my second amendment rights? We shouldn’t have to choose which rights we exercise at any given time. We get all of them, all of the time. Even the NRA is against the feds on this one.) Doors are being broken down at homes and businesses without judicial warrants. That violates the fourth amendment. One of our local businesses had workers taken by ICE and the company provided their work documents proving the workers are here legally. One of the workers has already been sent to Texas. The company owner is trying to bail him out, and they said that yes, he can do that, he will be free to leave, but they are not expediting bails right now because the prison still has space. That is disregard for the fifth and sixth amendments - disregard for the due process of law. We have dozens of examples like this. That is why we are holding firm. 

I do believe this will end, one way or another. I think we are starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, especially with regard to the sheer number of lawsuits against the federal government right now for these unconstitutional actions. One of our Republican candidates for governor just stepped down today because he no longer wants to be associated with the Republican party for what they are doing here in our state. Governor Walz and President Trump say they’ve had a fruitful call today.

The protests have been largely peaceful, including every single protest I’ve seen in person. There are protests on every major street corner at any given time, in Minneapolis and Saint Paul. During the day, they have mostly older people, likely folks who are retired. People hand out hot hands and snacks. They hold American flags, sometimes upside down to indicate distress, and sometimes right side up to indicate pride. On Saturday night, we went outside with candles in -10F windchill and sang hymns together. We sang “hold on, hold on my dear ones, here comes the dawn”. We sang “this little light of mine” with lyrics like “love to melt the ICE - I’m gonna let it shine!”. There were kids, and elderly, and everyone in between. We smiled and laughed when we messed up they lyrics. The kids played in the snow. We didn’t cry - tears freeze to your face at that temperature, so it’s best to save the tears for later. 

There are so many people helping. Where there are feds, there are observers - people who film and share the information to ICE tracking websites, holding these feds responsible for their actions. People stand day and night outside the federal building that has been commandeered as a temporary prison for those detained, giving donated jackets and temporary phones to the people released and helping them to get home. There are so many people hurting, but so many people helping.

I will write more at some point, maybe. I think more examples of what is happening here are important. People get so much news from sources that exist to generate outrage or from 24-hour news channels that exist to sell ads. I want to share what is happening here from my own experience. I also want people to know that what is happening here can happen in your city, too. Start to get involved if you haven’t. Get out in your communities. Volunteer. Get to know your neighbors. The people doing good now will be the ones who will be doing good later. 

Remember, as Dumbledore says, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. Sometimes, it’s up to us to be the light.